The subway system is organized chaos at its finest. Get in line, hop aboard, and always mind your manners.

DO pay attention to uptown vs. downtown. Oddly enough, the two options take you in completely different directions.

DON’T get sucked in by the performers. I admit, the breakdancers are quite enchanting (and so nimble!) but don’t forget, you’re in transit. Which means you have places to be other than an underground tunnel.

DO have your MetroCard out and ready to swipe. Unless of course, you want to be responsible for the line of people behind you, who are now late for work thanks to your carelessness.  Growing later and more distressed by the minute as you leisurely sift through your bag, bit, by bit, by bit…

DON’T think the subway doors will re-open for anything. This includes clothing, limbs, your entire body, etc. I was once was pinned in a subway door, and had to choose between surrendering to my fate or uncharacteristically hulking out on the door. I chose the latter.

DO bring your iPod. When the morning Mariachi players come to serenade your car...you’ll be happy you did.

DON’T get into an empty subway car. If it's deserted, you have not discovered some secret oasis. It is empty for a reason. Either: A) a horrific stench  B) a creepy individual has claimed it or C) Cloverfield is reality. All bad things.